Overcoming Over-Compromising

OVERCOMING OVER-COMPROMISING
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

www.SoulDrivenLove.com

Do you ever feel over-compromised in your relationships? Like you've given in, given over, and maybe even given up? If you've ever said these words, you're there.

"IT'S NOT WORTH THE HASSLE!!!"

Those are complaints I hear often from my relationship coaching clients who are searching for the keys to having the relationship they long for, but haven't yet experienced.

We are told over and over that every relationship involves a certain amount of compromise. And, it's true. There is very little value in arguing over whose movie gets chosen every single time. There's a logical place to compromise. The problem is that many folks live with constant feelings of giving in, giving over and have simply given up. And, there are cures!

Unfortunately, there is no magic, though. Relationship begins with you, not the other person. If I had a hundred dollars for each couple who say they want to improve their relationship and have come into my office or to a coaching call with this attitude, I'd be delighted:

"If only you could teach her/him ______________, our
relationship would be great."

Now, those couples seldom say that out loud. They really believe that if I could just fix their partners all problems would disappear. They come in hoping that I'll simply take the back off their partner, make a few adjustments, and all will be heavenly. Those unspoken agendas and secret fantasies need great consideration...because you may have them and never even make it to my office or telephone. You simply delude yourself with the idea that it's your partner's issues that make the relationship difficult.

Relationship starts with knowing who you are, AND, who you are in relationship. Examining that and how it came to be true is an essential beginning point. In the four-week Soul-Driven Love* class, we work on ourselves in new ways for the first two weeks. Big surprise to many folks, cuz they came to find out the secrets of fixing their partner!!

Compromise is only one of five major ways to manage conflict. And, conflict is not a four-letter word. It simply means a difference of opinion, style or point-of-view. Learning how to manage conflict effectively and productively is key for everyone, in every relationship. It goes hand-in-hand with also learning to communicate and negotiate skillfully--both also learned skills.Where did you learn to manage conflict? If you are like most people, it was learned by watching others. That spectrum runs between screaming, yelling and serving up ultimatums to acquiesing, backing down and avoiding confrontation at all costs. None of those strategies are wise or productive. You've likely noticed that.

If you find yourself compromising more than is comfortable, take the time to ask yourself why you do that. If you think you're just seeking peace, examine that. Peace is great, but, if it begins to be accompanied by resentment, you need another strategy.You need to know who you are and what you value, believe, and desire. Peace at all cost is not likely it. That will lead you to over-compromising. That is simply under-valuing yourself.

If this is a description of your relationship, you are not headed towards Soul-Driven Love. Soul-Driven Love begins in Soul Solitude**. When we wrote that book, we gave you guidelines, reasons and principles for taking time for your soul to catch up. That's the starting point to have the most glorious life possible.

You deserve it. Overcome over-compromise now.

I wish you well.

Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhDFounder, Spiritual Living Network, www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com

& Optimize Institute www.OptimizeInstitute.com*

To learn more about the four-week Soul-Driven Love program, visit www.SoulDrivenLove.com** Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up is available at www.SoulSolitude.com or order it from your local bookstore or Amazon.

Consciousness is Causative

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD

God is the Creative Principle, infinite, eternal, omnipresent, without beginning and without ending. Personally, I find it difficult to think about God AND a universe. To me, it is all one. In that same way, cause and effect are one. Just one. Amazingly, one. God, then, as the creative principle, is the cause and effect. The problem and the answer are one.

Without consciousness, we have no awareness, no knowledge. You'll remember that Descartes said: "I think, therefore, I am." Without consciousness, we would be unaware that we exist!Understanding God as consciousness allows us to understand this universe as consciousness formed. Once we have that understanding--God as the causative principle of our universe--we can know that universal consciousness is ever producing and reproducing. It's just like orange trees, continuously producing and reproducing oranges. It's what it does!

It is not creating, but unfolding. Years ago in seminars, I would say:

"If you don't like the movie that is playing, don't attack the screen. Change the reel."

People were constantly ready to attack what they did not like in their lives and assign causes to their misery or misfortune. They particularly like to play the "If only..." game:

If only I had money...
If only I had an education..
If only I had a relationship...
If only I caught a break in this life...
If only my parents were ....

They yelled, cried, screamed and flailed at life, often putting the face of some person on it which seemed to make it more focused to them.

"It is unfair, wrong, awful! I have been mistreated. I don't deserve this."

Did that stance help them? Of course not. They didn't like the movie of their life, so, they attacked the screen. Our "life projector" can only project what's on the reel--our consciousness. It was the reel that needs changing.

One of my favorite spiritual teachers, Joel Goldsmith, wrote:

"Consciousness is always unfolding itself and disclosing itself to us in infinite form, in infinite ways, in infinite varieties. ...Today our consciousness is unfolding and disclosing itself in every new way, in every new form, and always increasing abundantly."

Consciousness is awareness. It's not thinking, not mental activity, not holding thoughts. It is awareness, it is as Ernest Holmes wrote:

"We should take the highest thought we have, and attempt to enlarge on this consciousness until it embraces a more vital concept of Reality. Consciousness in this sense means an inner embodiment of ideas. If one wishes to demonstrate prosperity, he must first have a consciousness of prosperity; if he wishes health, he must embody the idea of health. This is more than faith; it is the knowledge that we dealing with Law. While a certain consciousness may be mechanically induced, of course, the more spontaneity put into the mechanical word, the more power the word must have. ...Each maintains a stream of consciousness in the One Mind, and anyone contacting this stream may objectify it....the individual stream of consciousness is always omnipresent..."

Consciousness is causative. It is our consciousness that contains the entire universe. It becomes the law unto our world. The moment we can consciously feel and realize the presence of God, we have the quality of being that removes all belief of erroneous conditions in our lives. This changes everything!

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Founder, http://www.spirituallivingnetwork.com/ & http://www.souldrivenliving.com/

Co-author, SOUL SOLITUDE: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up
www.SoulSolitude.com

Join in. It's free! www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com Social networking for the spiritually-minded.

Checking with Your Gut

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD


Have you noticed that it's best to check with your gut before you make a decision? I have. It doesn't matter if the decision is life-changing or simply logistical. I have trained myself to listen. It's simple things, like I'm leaving my home and the thought crosses my mind,

"Take the other shoes."

When I listen and take the shoes, something on the trip requires the comfortable shoes and I smile as I get them out of the back of the car. It can be something that basic.

When big decisions arise, it is even more important to listen. It takes time and attention. That's why we wrote our book, SOUL SOLITUDE: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up, to help folks understand why it is essential to sit quietly on a frequent basis. So many people told us that they simply didn't have enough time to fit in exercise, let alone quiet sitting in Soul Solitude. My question to them was whether or not they could fit in the time to sit in regret, re-do relationships, lose opportunities, or regain their health. Not such a popular question!

I invite you to ask yourself what your current self-talk is about taking time for spiritual practice. Only sitting in the sacred silence in Soul Solitude will bring you the insights and peace that leads to spiritual living.

Find time to sit. As you'll learn in the book, there is no technique. You cannot do it wrong. But, you do have to do it!

Much love, great joy and many blessings,
Rhoberta

P.S. You can find the book at http://www.soulsolitude.com/

Can you REALLY let go?

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD


Would the world stop turning if I gave up my illusion of control?

That's a big question with two important parts: my illusion and
my control. Do I actually believe that I am in control of all that
goes on here called my life?

I think of the many goal-setting workshops I gave in the 80's,
so clear that there was a process that could regulate my behavior.
Even then, I only paid it lip service in my own life because it
did not seem right. Now, I laugh when I think of it. Intuitively,
I think I knew that all my planning was simply time-consuming
behavior the outcome of which I could not be attached to. But,
it gave me the illusion of doing something, at least. And that
was, and is, a good thing. But, wait, there's more!

You might have had that experience, too. Please understand that
I have no issue with myself or others having goals. I simply
consider them to be what I think might be next or best. Not rules.
Not formulae. Not "must-haves." And, able to be let go of in an
instant!

I've been in seminars and workshops where the supposed sage on
the stage demanded that crystal clear goals be created with
objectives, action plans and tasks, separated and at the ready
as an arsenal for blasting through anything unlike achievement.
In fact, it was suggested that you might just be choosing failure
if that arsenal was not intact! Perhaps you have experienced
something similar. Businesses absolutely need well-thought out
plans, spiritually-developed lives? Not so much!


In our book, SOUL SOLITUDE: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up,
we say that surrender is one of the four most important steps
in a soul-driven life. That's not a sometimes kind of surrender.
It's a big time, all-the-time, kind of surrender.
http://www.SoulSolitude.com

Are you willing to live surrendered in God?
What do you understand by that question?

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Psychologist. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst.
Helping Businesses Prosper & People Flourish
Founder, http://www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com

http://www.OptimizeInstitute.com

Is Belt-Tightening the Opposite of Prosperity Thinking?

© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Founder, http://www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com


Everyone is talking about belt-tightening. As I thought of this, I thought of the many folks who have been in my Midas Thinking seminars who might be wanting to ask this question:

Is belt-tightening the opposite of prosperity thinking?

If you understand spiritual principles, that just is not the case. But, if you’re new to, or have just grazed the surface of, prosperity thinking, it is a logical question. And, a valuable one.

Sometimes people are encouraged to think of the Universe or God as a short-order cook. All you have to do is clarify, focus on and ask for what you want and, Voila! It appears. Sometimes it seems to work that way and your meal is served up just as requested. Other times, you go hungry.

What’s up with that? The truth as I see it is that neither belt-tightening, nor prosperity thinking, have anything to do with spirituality. That’s where the confusion occurs. Both activities are simply ones we choose as approaches to daily living. Neither are about tactics, but rather are about being wise in the world generally.

Belt-tightening suggests there may have been waste in the system we each created for our daily functioning. If that were not the case, it would not be a consideration. So, belt-tightening is a wise thing, not a scarcity or lack thing. It asks us to review our system and see if there is a better, more conscious way of using our resources of time, talent, treasure and energy. That’s all.

The word ‘squander’ came to mind as I’m thinking about this. In the dictionary, it says:

Squander: to cause to disperse; to spend extravagantly or foolishly

Belt-tightening may be the natural antidote to squandering. Neither have anything to do with God, only with your choices. So, the activity is not spiritual, but is certainly conscious. Therein lies the difference.

Prosperity thinking in terms of Midas Thinking is our willingness and intent to look for full value in all that unfolds in our lives. It is an approach, an attitude, an undertaking to focus on the richness of life in all circumstances and conditions. It is the antithesis of scarcity thinking where nothing is ever good enough, certain enough, abundant enough. And, it is a simple choice of focus. You do not need God to change your thinking in this way.

So, I invite you to relax, breathe and tighten your metaphoric belt. Waste is not wise on any level. Focus on the joy, the love, the richness of living. See it everywhere in abundance, because it is everywhere, abundantly. No, it’s not PollyAnna thinking. It is a choice of focus.

Now, how does this relate to our spiritual life. Prosperity thinking is not a trick to getting your share of the available goodies. More to come. Stay tuned!

-----------------------------

In the meantime, you might enjoy taking, or retaking, the Midas Thinking: Spiritual Secrets of Success and Supply, program that begins soon. www.MidasThinking.com Join in and see if you need to adjust your spiritual mirror and your daily direction.

Many blessings,
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Psychologist. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst.
Founder of http://www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com
http://www.SoulDrivenLiving.com

Get your copy of Dr. Shaler's new ebook, PREVENT FREE FALL: PACK YOUR OWN PARACHUTE, at http://www.TamingTenseTimes.com