Talking or Walking?

It's always a question, isn't it? Do we just talk about spiritual principles or do we actually live them?

As a spiritual leader, I see folks getting really excited about the possibilities of living from the spiritual principles they learn. There is much promise there. They can see how life can improve, relationships change and prosperity flow towards them. That is exciting, for sure.

The issue is spiritual living, not spiritual knowing about. There is a big difference between knowing about and knowing. One can be spouted from the mouth at will, the other requires much from us to demonstrate it by our words, thoughts and actions. Spiritual chatter is engaging. Spiritual Living is inspiring.

That's why I started Spiritual Living Network, so that people worldwide could add depth to their conversations and support to their spiritual living. You can join this free network at www.SpiritualLivingNetwork.com

So, talking or walking? What are you about?

I'm going to continue to think about this today. I invite you to do so, too.

Much love, great joy and many blessings,
Rhoberta

OVERCOMING OVER-COMPROMISING

OVERCOMING OVER-COMPROMISING
© Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
http://www.souldrivenlove.com/

Do you ever feel over-compromised in your relationships?

Like you've given in, given over, and maybe even given up?

If you've ever said these words, you're there.

"IT'S NOT WORTH THE HASSLE!!!"

Those are complaints I hear often from my relationship coaching clients who are searching for the keys to having the relationship they long for, but haven't yet experienced.

We are told over and over that every relationship involves a certain amount of compromise. And, it's true. There is very little value in arguing over whose movie gets chosen every single time. There's a logical place to compromise. The problem is that many folks live with constant feelings of giving in, giving over and have simply given up. And, there are cures!

Unfortunately, there is no magic, though. Relationship begins with you, not the other person. If I had a hundred dollars for each couple who say they want to improve their relationship and have come into my office or to a coaching call with this attitude, I'd be delighted:

"If only you could teach her/him ______________, our relationship would be great."

Now, those couples seldom say that out loud. They really believe that if I could just fix their partners all problems would disappear. They come in hoping that I'll simply take the back off their partner, make a few adjustments, and all will be heavenly. Those unspoken agendas and secret fantasies need great consideration...because you may them and never even make it to my office or telephone. You simply delude yourself with the idea that it's your partner's issues that make the relationship difficult.

Relationship starts with knowing who you are, AND, who you are in relationship. Examining that and how it came to be true is an essential beginning point. In the four-week Soul-Driven Love* class, we work on ourselves in new ways for the first two weeks. Big surprise to many folks, cuz they came to find out the secrets of fixing their partner!!

Compromise is only one of five major ways to manage conflict. And, conflict is not a four-letter word. It simply means a difference of opinion, style or point-of-view. Learning how to manage conflict effectively and productively is key for everyone, in every relationship. It goes hand-in-hand with also learning to communicate and negotiate skillfully--both also learned skills.

Where did you learn to manage conflict? If you are like most people, it was learned by watching others. That spectrum runs between screaming, yelling and serving up ultimatums to acquiesing, backing down and avoiding confrontation at all costs. None of those strategies are wise or productive. You've likely noticed that.

If you find yourself compromising more than is comfortable, take the time to ask yourself why you do that. If you think you're just seeking peace, examine that. Peace is great, but, if it begins to be accompanied by resentment, you need another strategy.

You need to know who you are and what you value, believe, and desire. Peace at all cost is not likely it. That will lead you to over-compromising. That is simply under-valuing yourself. If this is a description of your relationship, you are not headed towards Soul-Driven Love.

Soul-Driven Love begins in Soul Solitude**. When we wrote that book, we gave you guidelines, reasons and principles for taking time for your soul to catch up. That's the starting point to have the most glorious life possible. You deserve it. Overcome over-compromise now.

I wish you well.
Rhoberta

Rhoberta Shaler, PhD
Psychologist. Consultant. Coach. Catalyst.
Founder, Spiritual Living Network, http://www.spirituallivingnetwork.com/ &
Optimize Institute http://www.optimizeinstitute.com/

* To learn more about the four-week Soul-Driven Love program, visit http://www.souldrivenlove.com/

** Soul Solitude: Taking Time for Our Souls to Catch Up is available at http://www.soulsolitude.com/ or order it from your local bookstore or Amazon.